You Set The Scene...Friday 30th August 2013.

An easy opener, no? Er, no. Not really.

Alright then and here we go...stage one of a.n.other Gran Tour! As is always the way, you can expect at least one Gran Ffaf per diem. Them's the rules, and today's took the form of me forgetting my European Health Card which is a bit of a necessity given the destination, like. I f**king hope it remains unused, mind...

Just about the finest music. Bloke ain't toast either...lives in Knutsford. Close enough though...

The Cycling Gods showed compassion and provided me with at least four (4) free miles into Preston courtesy of a tractor. 'A' not 'The'. This one one was more fuel efficient by the looks of it!

20mph. Zero effort. My kind of cycling.

After that freebie it was the usual trawl with the added bonus of Friday traffic, but amazingly no real weapons out there and I did get a couple of horn-beeps in relation to my Heath Robinson 'mission statement' on the back of my saddle bag. At least I hope that's what they were beeping about. "Shift it you fat bast*rd" accompanied these well wishes. Ah, Wigan...

Gonna make it...full gaz!

From there it was attritional which you can take to mean as bloody slow and awful: anyone would think the Cycling Gods were taking a little retribution for not training hard enough. Erm, is it warm in here or is that just me?

Loved spotting this shop in Knutsford...

Would have been cool if Arthur had retired to K'ford though.

One other desperate and superbly clumsy reference took my fancy on the crawl into Stoke. I had to turn around and waste 3 minutes to secure this entertainment for you. Ungrateful shower of b**tards, as Gary might have said...

McKinley Morganfield er, Stoke Delta.

The last 10 miles were that tiring I actually had my first moment of doubt and pain (cheers Jags): if this is how I am after only an 80 mile stage then wtf state am I going to be in when the real miles happen? Well, in such an event there can only realistically be one course of action...a few jars, a big old steak abd hope for a better day tomorrow!

Almost forgot: my stats...best not to look at the HR...

 CLICK HERE FOR STAGE ONE MAPS'N'STATS!